boggart

i'm not sure if i'm free from any mental disease. i sometimes think that i'm dealing with anxiety but idk if its just me or its the disease. i really hate this monthly mood swing. (who doesn't kan duh yanapls) taktau la maybe monthly mood swing je kot tapi i really really hate overthinking of many possibilities and one of them is me.... being a failure. i believe that my darkest deepest fear is being a failure. lepas fail asasi, i taknak fail apa-2 lagi dah. no pls. tapi i takut i takleh jawab test chemistry esok. pastu final nanti result chemistry teruk. again. macam foundy dulu pun chemistry gak slack. maybe A+ chemistry spm dulu tu istidraj? nauzubillah minzalik.

i tend to overthink everything. biasa bila i tak anxious apa-2, i okay. tapi sometimes it keep reminding me to think the possibilities of everything. i taknak jadi a failure. i want to be accepted by the people that i love and care about. i nak fulfill mama and ayah's expectation. i nak diorang rasa "wow that's my daughter ". but..... i know i can't. i just can't. i'm no maisarah nor aishah. i pemalas gila dah la tak reti kemas bilik/ rumah.. i am nothing? i often tell people to fuck what others think of you but i can't seem to do it the same for me. not for the person i love and care atleast.

car radio - twenty øne piløts 

tyler said that we're all battling fear and this is my everyday battle. to not be a failure and to make mama ayah proud.

peace will win and fear will løse.